Saturday, December 27, 2008

Weekend Interlude

What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

The same middle name.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.

Why does Scrooge love all the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?

What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet.

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snow balls.

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles.

What happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Christmas Movies

Well, it's about time for the family tradition of watching "It's a Wonderful Life" all-time favorite Christmas movie. George Bailey is my hero. My favorite scene is at the end when the townsfolk gather to help George, and his brother Harry makes a toast: "To my brother, George. The richest man in town."

Other faves: "Miracle on 34th Street"... Susan and her sceptical mother believe in Santa Claus. Best line in the movie is by the District Attorney: "The State of New York concedes that Santa Claus exists."

"A Christmas Carol" ... Patrick Stewart is my favorite Scrooge.

"A Christmas Story"...Ralphie obsesses over the Red Ryder BB Gun, but Mom warns, "It'll put your eye out."

"The Homecoming"...a Walton's Christmas; John Boy gets a stack of Big Chief tablets for Christmas. Write on, John Boy!

And of course Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without "Charlie Brown Christmas," "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Frosty the Snowman."

Call me corny, but I'm a huge fan of the Christmas movies on the Lifetime and Hallmark channels: "The Christmas Shoes," "Noel," "Secret Santa," "The Timepiece," "Holiday Affair," "The Christmas Gift," etc.

Question of the day: Why can't real life be like the movies? Sigh.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Double Indemnity

This month in my movie column I spoof "Double Indemnity," starring Fred MacMurray as Walter Neff, insurance salesman; Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson, the femme fatale; and Edward G. Robinson as Barton Keyes, Neff's cigar-smoking boss and expert in the insurance game.

In honor of Christmas, I wrote a parody of Clement Clarke Moore's poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas" and told Neff's story. I call it "Double Indemnity: Twas the Night Before Murder."

'Twas the night before murder; I entered the house.
Phyllis Dietrichson lived there; her spouse was a louse.

I noticed her anklet and started to drool,
I knew she was trouble, I wasn't a fool.

"You move pretty fast, Mr. Neff," she opined,
"How fast was I going?" I asked, then she chimed:

"Ninety miles an hour, you'd better slow down."
"Give me a ticket and I'll get out of town."

"Suppose I let you off with a warning," she joked.
"Suppose it doesn't take, baby, " I choked.

"Suppose I whack you over the knuckles," said she.
"Suppose I bust out crying." This game was quite creepy.

But we kept it going as long as we could.
She knew I was trapped, and that wasn't good.

"Oh, Walter," she said, as she poured the ice tea.
"Insurance I need, double indemnity."

To read the rest of the story go to then click Dial M for Movies under Columns.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!