My Own Personal R2D2

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, my vacuum cleaner called it quits right in the middle of a major Saturday cleaning event. We had this fire engine-red Hoover for years and it was only a matter of time before it bit the dust (pun intended).

So I unplugged the beast, got in the car and began my search for a new vacuum cleaner. I didn't want to spend a lot of money, but I needed a machine that could do the job. And Voila! I found it! A Hoover Turbo Empower 4600!

It features a hush mode (so it's not so loud), the handle flips down for easy storage, and best of all there's no need to change bags! When I flipped the on switch, I realized it had a mind of its own. I had to actually pull it back so it wouldn't take off out the door and around the block.

It cleaned my carpet beautifully. I was thrilled. I hadn't had that much fun vacumming in years. But all good things come to an end, so I put the handle down to store it in the closet. That's when it hit me. My vacuum looked like a slim version of R2D2, that cute little android in "Star Wars." Yes, I said cute. Everyone knows that R2 is cute with a capital "Q"!

I never thought I'd be one of those people who name their appliances, but I couldn't help myself. My Hoover is R2D2. And on cleaning day, the Force is most definitely with me.

The Job Interview

(Short fiction by Luana Krause)

So I went for this job interview at a bank, and like, it was so weird. I waited for, like, ten minutes in the lobby and I was so BORED I thought I was gonna DIE. I couldn’t stand it any longer and checked out their magazines. You would think they’d have cool mags like “People” or “In Style.” No such luck. All they had was, like, generic. You know, “Time” and “Newsweek.” Like, who reads THAT!

Finally, this lady called my name and I went into this, like, HUGE office. The boss was sitting at this really big desk and asked me to sit down. He was a fat dude, and bald, but super nice. He’s all, “Why do you want to work at this bank?” And I’m all, “Because I need a job.” And he’s all, “What skills do you have?” And I’m all, “I can use a computer and talk on the phone.” And he’s all, “Are you good with numbers?” And I’m all, “Duh. I’ve got five credit cards and not one is maxed out yet.” And he’s all, “Do you enjoy dealing with the public?” And I’m all, “Shut up! I deal with the public all the time. I go to the mall, like, every Saturday.”

He stood up and shook my hand. And he’s all, “I’ll get back to you. Have a nice day.” I know he’s gonna offer me the job. He’ll be like, “When can you start?” And I’ll be like, “Right away.”

Agnes by Tony Cochran

Time Travel Diary: March 15, 1952

Dear Diary:

It's spring in Memphis and this morning I saw my first robin. He was sitting on the branch of that giant sycamore in the front yard. But let me tell you, birds were not uppermost in my thoughts today. It was my first day at my new high school. Why oh why did Mama and Daddy and yank Charlie and me from our schools in Murfreesboro and move the family lock, stock and barrel, to Memphis of all places? Especially in the spring of my junior year! I could just DIE!

Despite my heartbreak and anguish, I think it was a blessing in disguise. The cutest boy I ever laid eyes on sits right in front of me in English class. Elvis Presley! Now I ask you, what kind of name is Elvis? His hair is black and his eyes are bluer than the summer sky. After class I "accidentally" bumped into him and dropped my books. He was so sweet. He picked them up for me and said he was sorry. I told him that was okay. I think he likes me. I wonder if he has a date for the prom?

I think this new school is going to work out just fine.

Daylight Savings Time

What did the digital clock say to its mother?
"Look, Ma! No hands!"

American Idol Wild Card Show

Okay. So I'm watching the Wild Card Show on American Idol, which was recorded on my DVR because I was singing at my Cheyenne Harmony rehearsal (Cheyenne Harmony is a women's acappella singing group).

I return home to watch the show. I was disappointed that Jesse received such a negative critique from the judges. I LOVE her style of singing...and her song choices. She was my favorite. And of course, she did not make the cut. (sigh).

The other wild card contestants were so-so for me. However, I was thrilled that Tatiana was cut. I have no idea how she got this far. I suspect it's the "drama" factor. She's a drama queen if I ever saw one. It was pretty pathetic that after she was cut she went to the judges table weeping...the judges enabled her psychotic behavior by speaking words of comfort and encouragement. Puhleeze!

The last three contestants were chosen. Megan (a long-haired blonde beauty with an edgy singing style), Jasmine (a cute teenager with a powerhouse voice that came out of nowhere) and ...at that moment my DVR shut off and I didn't get to see the third choice! I also missed the surprise...a fourth contestant making a total of 13 finalists!

Luckily, the Internet came to the rescue and I found out that Anoop and Matt were also chosen. Good choices. Looking forward to next week when the competition really begins!

Werd Nerd

Today a work colleague used the word "sartorial" in describing his tie. None of us knew what "sartorial" meant, so we opened up the online dictionary and looked it up. If you already know this word, then you can skip this post. However, if you want to increase your vocabulary, take a look at the following definition:

sartorial

sar·to·ri·al [ saar táwree əl ]
adjective
Definition:

1. of tailoring: relating to tailoring or clothing in general


Now let's use it in a sentence:

Simone smiled as she saw her image in the mirror and noted that her sartorial pencil skirt had a back slit through which peaked her attractive calves.

Slip Slidin' Away

It's funny how a song will reach out from the past and deliver a personal message just for you. A message that you need to hear and that will impact your life. This happened to me this week. I call it Divine Intervention.

Here's what happened:

My computer in my home office went "on the fritz" at the exact moment I was ready to work out on my elliptical machine. I usually watch a movie on my computer while I work out. Since I couldn't do that, I decided to listen to a CD instead. As "luck" would have it, I chose Paul Simon. I used to listen to him back in the day and he's still one of my favorite singer-songwriters. His songs are like poetry from the heart...set to music. His lyrics are powerful.

Anyway, I started off with "Mother and Child Reunion"...a cool, upbeat tune. The moved on to "Me and Julio Down by the School Yard," "Kodachrome," "Something So Right," "Loves Me Like a Rock," "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," "Still Crazy After All These Years," and "Late in the Evening." (Ever notice that Paul Simon's songs, more often than not, express the theme of lonliness and isolation? But there's also a glimmer of acceptance and hope.)

By this time over half an hour had gone by and I'd worked up quite a sweat.

Then all of a sudden I hear "Slip Slidin' Away." It was like my soul was on fire. The song reminded me of shattered dreams and I was overwhelmed with grief and sadness. I was literally sobbing during the whole song. I felt such pain and sorrow in my heart. The words spoke to me, like a message from God.

I knew that God orchestrated the whole thing. The computer break down, the selection of Paul Simon, this particular CD, this particular song. He was opening my "ears" to hear his message. The message is that the world is full of people with broken hearts, living in regret and embracing what might have been. But God brings comfort and healing. He is the only One who can.

The song:

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you're slip sliding away

I know a man, he came from my hometown
He wore his passion for his woman like a thorny crown
He said, Dolores, I live in fear
My love for you's so overpowering, I'm afraid that I will disappear

I know a woman, became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said a good day ain't got no rain
She said a bad day is when I lie in the bed
And I think of things that might have been

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he'd done
He came a long way just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again

God only knows, God makes his plan
The information's unavailable to the mortal man
Were work our jobs, collect our pay
Believe were gliding down the highway, when in fact we're slip sliding away

Baker Lady

Yep. I'm in the baking mood. Been doing it since December getting ready for the holidays. It all started on Thanksgiving when I made a New York cheesecake with dark chocolate cookie crust. My brother loved it...he was surprised I'd made it "from scratch"...he's used to the store-bought cheesecakes.

That's how I broke in my brand spankin' new Kitchen Aid mixer! (Early Christmas present from hubby).

For Christmas I made some ginger pumpkin bread, lemon poppyseed bread, fudge, peanut clusters, peppermint bark and sugar cookies.

For my friends at church I made some sugar cookies shaped like sheep using my Brown Bag cookie molds (these molds are collector's items now; they don't make them anymore. I have two: a sheep and a rabbit).

I also made some birthday cakes for friends and cupcakes for kids at church. I bought a couple of new cookie cook books and made some delicious butter cookies and chocolate cookies for my work colleagues.

For the last few weeks I've been making lemon poppyseed bread and butter cookies for church. I made valentine cookies (heart shaped butter cookies) for my grandkids.

This weekend I'm making oatmeal raisin cookies to share with friends from church.

Inspiration

"Nurture your hopes. Not your fears."
--- Billy Graham"

"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities. An optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."
--- Harry S. Truman

Bizarro by Don Piraro

Tribute to Langston Hughes

One of my favorite poets, Langston Hughes, was born February 1, 1902, in Joplin, Missouri. Today marks the 107th anniversary of his birth. More than 40 years after his death in 1967, his sublime and powerful works continue to inspire generations of Americans.

See this link for more about Hughes:

http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/83

"I, Too, Sing America"

by Langston Hughes

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.

Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

Happy birthday, Wolfgang!

As a child, the only classical music I'd ever heard was in Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry cartoons (Rossini's Barber of Seville, Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture, Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor; first movement) and of course the theme song of "The Lone Ranger" which I later discovered was Rossini's "The William Tell Overture." Rossini must have been pretty popular among the Saturday morning TV crowd.

Even when I taught myself piano and guitar, I wasn't learning classical music, mostly tunes like "Camptown Ladies," "Swing Lo, Sweet Chariot" and "Bill Bailey"...hardly Wolfgang material.

The first time I actually studied "real" music was in 1996 when I finally decided to pursue my life-long dream of taking piano lessons. I was in my 30s and doing recitals with seven-year-olds Yes, it was embarrassing, but I was learing Bach, Beethoven, DeBussey, Chopin and of course, Mozart. I was in heaven.

Needless to say, I really got into classical music. It was a part of the music world I had never known and I wanted to learn everything about it. I was learning to play several of Bach's inventions and preludes, as well as Beethoven sonatas and Chopin etudes. I enjoyed Prokofiev, Schubert, Rachmaninoff, etc. I couldn't get enough. I started a CD collection of classical music and listened to music constantly.

Learning piano and studying classical music inspired me to learn the cello, so I started to take cello lessons, too. Yo-yo Ma was an inspiration. He still is. (He played at Obama's Inauguration! Wow!)

I'm not one to do anything half-heartedly, so I took a music theory class at the local college. It was challenging to say the least. One of our assignments was to compose an original piece of music in the style of Bach. We also had aural training where we learned to hear pitches and listen for intervals. This helped me quite a bit with cello. Unlike the guitar which has frets and you know where to place your fingers to play a chord and notes, the cello is almost totally played by "ear."

During my classical music phase, I attended many concerts and recitals. We saw Barry Douglas when he was on tour playing Beethoven. He was playing all 32 Beethoven sonatas (in different venues) and the five Beethoven piano concertos! I saw him play The Emperor...unbelievable! I've seen such noted pianists as Andres Schiff, Helen Grimaude, Christopher O'Reily, Frederic Chiu Emanuel Ax...and the jazz stylings of Billy Taylor and Ramsey Lewis.

The concert that meant the most to me was in 1998 when we went to Denver to see Yo-Yo Ma play the Dvorak cello concerto with the Colorado Symphony. It was the one of the best days of my life. He received seven curtain calls! I will never forget that night as long as I live. I first fell in love with Yo-Yo when I saw his short films about the Bach cello suites on PBS. I bought all six videos. Here's a link if you want to know more about these wonderful films. But I warn you, if you watch them, you will never look at Bach and his cello suites the same way again. They are a true inspiration, even if you don't know anything about classical music.

Here's an article about Yo-Yo's Bach film project:

http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/040198/fea_mayo.shtml

Today, I'm still playing the piano. I'm working on Beethoven's "Moonlight" sonata, some Scott Joplin ragtime music, Bach's A-minor two-part invention and Mozart's piano sonata in "C" major...plus Irving Berlin tunes and traditional hymns.

Anyway, back to Mozart. I highly recommend the film "Amadeus"... an amazing movie showcasing the talents of Tom Hulce (as Mozart) and F. Murray Abraham (as Antonio Salieri). Winner of eight Oscars, the film was based on the play by Peter Shaffer. It tells of Salieri's jealousy and hatred of Mozart, and his anger with God for giving this wonderful talent to an unworthy, spoiled brat, when he, Salieri, desired nothing more in the world than to glorify God with music. The film is Salieri's confession to a priest:

SALIERI: My plan was simple. It terrified me. First I must get the death mass and then, I must achieve his death. His funeral! Imagine it, the cathedral, all Vienna sitting there, his coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle, and then, in that silence, music! A divine music bursts out over them all. A great mass of death! Requiem mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his devoted friend, Antonio Salieri! Oh what sublimity, what depth, what passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last. And God is forced to listen! Powerless, powerless to stop it! I, for once in the end, laughing at him!

An amazing film. Ya gotta see it!

Here's a link about Mozart if you want to know more about this gifted composer:

http://www.essentialsofmusic.com/composer/mozart.html

Happy birthday, Amadeus!

January Trees

January Trees
a poem by Luana Krause

I arise at dawn and wait for first light. The frost takes my breath away.

Wrapped in a cocoon of cold, I am held captive by the winter trees. During the night they turned white; the Creator using his ethereal impasto technique to create texture and form.

The frost is thick on the branches that reach toward heaven. Majestic sculptures of ice on exhibit in God’s museum for all to see.

Letter to the Editor

My letter to the editor was in the local newspaper this morning. I was responding to the editor's article about summer school. Here's what I wrote:

***
I disagree with the WTE's opinion that LCSD1 should "put more effort" into summer school. As the article stated, the academic gains made by "high income" kids during the summer was due to the involvement of the parents in their children's education. That is the key. Not more school hours. You can't mandate parental involvement.

***
(END QUOTE)

Sometimes I wonder if the American public school system hasn't simply become a babysitter, catering to the needs of working parents rather than actual teaching.

Obama's BlackBerry

Another reason to like President Obama...he's a BlackBerry user, too! I have no idea how I survived life all those years before the invention of the BlackBerry.

You're talking to a genuine, unapologetic CrackBerry. Yep. I absolutely love it!

Just yesterday when I was driving home, listening to NPR reporting on the presiden't agenda for his first day in office, I was thinking: "Barack is Bar-ROCKin' the White House!"

Shame on you guys for trying to take his BlackBerry away!

Check the link:

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/obama-gets-a-thumbs-up-for-his-blackberry/

Guitar Hero

The other day I dug out my guitar from the closet and dusted it off. We're going to visit my folks in April and I want to be able to play a few tunes with my dad, whose been practicing his guitar every day since he retired two years ago. He's very good. I'm mediocre at best.

You might say he's my guitar hero. He played the guitar back in the 1960s, but never really had time to practice. Too busy making a living and raising us kids. But now at age 65 he's pursuing his dream. He bought a Yamaha acoustic when he retired and last Christmas my mom bought him an electric guitar. He prefers the electric, but he enjoys playing both.

As for music preferences, he's not into modern music. He likes Chet Atkins, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash...also some classic rock and roll.

My history with the guitar goes back to when I was in high school. I was 16 and bought a cheap thirty-dollar guitar and a book on how to play. I listened to John Denver, Simon and Garfunkle, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell and the Beatles, trying to emulate their styles. A friend of mine had a 12-string that I messed around with. Now that was fun...double strings. Wow!

When I graduated from high school, my parents wanted to get me a graduation gift. They were thinking I'd like a car. My dad's a brilliant auto mechanic and he could easily find the best deal on a used car and the ability to keep it running like a clock. But what I really wanted more than anything was a new guitar. So my dad took me to the music store to pick out a guitar (no pun intended). It was one of the best gifts I've ever received.

Now, 3o-plus years later, I'm still playing the guitar. Several years went by when I didn't play at all. I was focusing on piano, cello and choral singing. But now that Dad is playing, he's inspired me to play, too.

So here I am, playing "Country Roads," "Scarborough Fair" and the theme from "Deliverance." Watch out, Dad, and get ready for dueling guitars.

Norman's New Year's Resolutions

Sheriff Al Chambers here. On December 20, we took Norman Bates into custody for the murder of Marian Crane, Milton Arbogast and several other victims. The newspapers reported the sordid details so I won't go into them here. Suffice it to say that Mr. Bates will not be seeing the light of day for quite some time. Of course we drained the swamp where we discovered the naked body of Marian, wrapped in a shower curtain and stuffed in the trunk of her car. We scoured the house for evidence and questioned everyone even remotely associated with Norman Bates, including his third grade teacher, Mrs. Horrorwits. As far as I was concerned, it was an open and shut case. A few days after his arrest, I went back to the house. I walked down the dark halls, noting the bloodstain at the top of the stairs where Arbogast had died. I even ventured to the basement where the dead mother was found. How could someone as shy and unassuming as Norman Bates be capable of such atrocities? I was just about to leave when I decided to check his bedroom one more time. That’s when I found it. A journal. Blank, except for one entry:

My New Year’s Resolutions:

Stock up on shower curtains, Ginsu knives and Lysol Toilet & Tub Cleaner.

Check expiration date on bottle of strychnine.

Mother’s Day gift: search ebay for Christian Dior gown and Prada shoes.

Accept offer to go on the Jerry Springer Show: “Mama’s Boys Gone Bad.”

Get therapy.

Read “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Replace motel shower heads with low-flow.

Offer the use of the Bates Motel for the next season of “Survivor.”

Renew membership to the “National Psycho Killer Taxidermists Guild.”

Sell property and take that caretaker job at the Overlook Hotel in Colorado.

***Of course Bates’ journal is secured as evidence for the trial. But one question haunts me, causing restless nights and a profound uneasiness that gnaws away at the doorposts of my soul. What in the world is "ebay"?

My Kids' Book

I'm writing a story for my three youngest grandchildren for their birthdays. They will all be five years old this year. I've decided to make the story into a book, complete with illustrations by yours truly. Unfortunately, I haven't created any serious artwork in years, so it's time to get out the old sketch pad and practice my line drawings.

On Monday I'm meeting with Sophie, my graphic artist friend, so I can pick her brain and see what we can do as far as illustrations go.

I don't have the whole story worked out but it involves a dragon and a cupcake.

Red and Rover by Brian Basset