You know you're drinking too much coffee when...

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You're the Employee of the Month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.

Cocaine is a downer.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.