Saturday, March 11, 2006

Everything I Know About Life I Learned From the Marx Brothers

When invited to a dinner party always bring your own silverware. Hide it in your sleeve.

Being the “dummy” in bridge is a good thing.

You’ll get far in life if you know how to sing like Maurice Chevalier.

Wiggling your eyebrows lowers your blood pressure.

Never leave the house without a trench coat, top hat and a bicycle horn.

In the event of war, inspire the troops with a “hey nonny nonny and a ha cha cha.”

Get a leg-up on the competition.

When at the opera, don’t forget to bring popcorn.

Expand your horizons by hiding in closets.

If you want to impress people, speak with an Italian accent. Use this phrase at least once: “Dat’s a-right, boss!”

Never pass up an opportunity to play patty-cake with a gangster.

Don’t be a finicky eater. Flowers, thermometers and saucers are quite nutritious.

Push a doorbell and run.

“Sweet Adeline” sounds best when sung crouched inside a barrel.

Make sure no one’s watching when you cheat at solitaire.

You can always count on your brother to light your cigar with a blowtorch.

Marry for money.

Never stiff the bartender at a speakeasy.

No comments: