The Three Little Candidates

Once upon a time, in the Land of the Free, there were three little candidates, Giuliani, Romney and Huckabee.

Giuliani built his campaign on Blue-Haired Floridians. He proclaimed that if every child in America doesn’t get an “A” in algebra, the terrorists win.

One day, Big Bad McCain knocked on Giuliani’s door and spoke in a high-pitched whine, “Open the door and let me in.”

Giuliani scurried under the bed and cried out, “9-11! 9-11!”

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your campaign in!”

So Big Bad McCain huffed and he puffed and he blew Giuliani’s campaign in, then gobbled him up in one bite.

Romney built his campaign on the Soft Housing Market. He vowed that Holy Underwear would have no place in his administration.

Big Bad McCain knocked on Romney’s door and whimpered, “Open the door and let me in.”

Romney hid in the closet and cried out, “Reagan Conservative! Reagan Conservative!”

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your campaign in!”

So Big Bad McCain huffed and he puffed and he blew Romney’s campaign in, then gobbled him up in one bite.

Huckabee built his campaign on God and Rock ‘n’ Roll. He promised to make Elvis’ birthday a National Holiday.

Big Bad McCain knocked on Huckabee’s door and meowed, “Open the door and let me in.”

Huckabee grabbed his guitar, cranked up the amplifier and began to sing, “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready now go, McCain, go!”

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your campaign in!”

So he huffed and he puffed and he puffed and he huffed, but Huckabee’s campaign wouldn’t budge. The sound of Rock ‘n’ Roll blared through the walls.

Big Bad McCain called for reinforcements, and with the help of two Dwarfs named Limbaugh and O’Reilly, managed to bust out a few windows and jimmy open the back door. McCain gobbled up Huckabee in one bite.

But Huckabee still had a death-grip on his guitar, which was plugged into the amplifier, which was plugged into the wall. Zapped with a lightning bolt from God, Big Bad McCain fell to the floor unconscious.

Suddenly, the whole campaign shook on its foundation. Obama the Giant approached with a deep, rumbling bellow, “Fee Fie Fo Fum, I smell the blood of a Republican!” Limbaugh and O’Reilly ran for their lives.

Obama the Giant gobbled up McCain in one bite. He began a rampage through the Land of the Free, destroying everything in his path, including Billary, the two-headed Cyclops. He didn’t stop until he reached the White House.

As President, Obama the Giant ended Poverty, established World Peace and gave every citizen a Cadillac.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END