Friday, June 20, 2008

"Take Your Dog to Work" Day

Yes, it's official. June 20 is "Take Your Dog to Work" Day. For those of you planning to participate in this exciting event, I offer a few "pointers" (pun intended) to make it a pleasant day for all:

1) Before taking your dog to work give him a nice bath. And please, don't torture the dog with soap and water...let him swim in pond scum. Dogs love to splash around in algae and plankton. Be sure that your dog is still a bit wet when he gets to the office. The scent of wet dog always gets a reaction. In fact, Calvin Klein is creating a new perfume inspired by this potent, organic aroma.

2) Be sure to introduce your dog to all your coworkers. Especially those who are allergic to dogs. Of course, they may run down the hall panting for breath with their tails between their legs (the coworkers, not the dogs), but don't let that deter you. Deep down inside, these people love dogs. It's for their own good. Remember the adage: "That which kills us only makes us stronger."

3) While at the office, your dog may get a sudden urge to gnaw something. Don't bring a chew toy from home. Let the dog explore the office and find his own chew toy: the only existing copy of the 30-page marketing report that Sally worked on all weekend...the computer cables in IT...Harvey's brand new $500 Italian leather briefcase.

4) Of course your dog may have to "piddle or poop" while at the office. Responsible dog owners always clean up after their pets. Have a supply of plastic bags handy. Scoop up the "droppings" and discard them in the garbage bin in the break room. When your coworkers take their coffee break, they can't help but smell the offensive fumes, thus ruining their appetite for donuts and helping them to lose weight. They'll thank you for it.

5) Allow your dog the freedom to follow his natural instincts: barking, jumping, running, scratching, licking, crotch-sniffing. Don't worry about offending your coworkers. Many people who work in offices practice these behaviors as well. Photographs taken at the last office Christmas party attest to the fact.

6) Remember, just because your dog is at the workplace doesn't mean that there will be less productivity. To avoid encounters with your dog, your coworkers may choose to lock themselves in their offices, refusing to come out until quitting time. The result? Your boss will encourage more "Take Your Dog to Work" days.

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