Secret Life

In my Secret Life...

I'm a musician. I'm a cellist in a symphony orchestra. I travel around the world playing beautiful music. I'm a pianist and play with Harry Connick Junior. I'm a baritone in an acappella quartet.

I'm an independent filmmaker. I make movies that show the beauty and horror of the world; movies that change people's lives.

I'm an artist. I create paintings and drawings that are shown in galleries. I illustrate children's books and my artwork brings delight to my readers. I'm a photographer whose pictures cut to the bone and reveal truth.

I'm a dancer. I express my self though graceful movement and become one with the music. My skirt twirls and my legs extend as I leap like gazelle.

I'm an actor on the stage. I am Lady MacBeth, Blanche DuBois, Nora Helmer.

I'm a writer. I write plays and stories. I write screenplays and TV scripts. I write comedy and drama. People actually pay me.

Face to Face

Last week at our church Family Night Ice Cream Party, I ran the face painting booth. I had no idea what I was getting into. I figured I'd just draw some cute pictures of cats, spiders, flowers, bugs and turtles on the kids cheeks.

Not so, Amigo.

The kids wanted full-face theatrical makeup! All I had was a small set of face paint crayons (no black!) and some washable markers. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to create a couple of butterflies, a leopard and a knight. I even created a replica of Mr. Mistoffeles from the musical "Cats."

When I got home that night, I had a taco (I was starving, what can I say?) and realized I had a lot to learn about face painting. So I did what anybody else would do. I googled. Boy, oh boy! There's a whole world of face painting I didn't know existed! I'm not kidding! Some are "professionals" that charge $100 an hour! It's a career!

"What's your major?"
"Face painting with a minor in philosophy."

What really impressed me the most was the amazing talent of these face painters. I had no idea the work could be so detailed and intricate. But when you're doing a party, the key is speed. You don't want kids standing in line very long. Lucky for me, I'm fast at everything I do. Talking, walking, writing, cooking, reading, you name it. Just call me Speedy Gonzales. (Hey, is there a Latino theme running through this blog post?)

All this to say I've decided to take face painting seriously. I want to be the face paint lady. Next time I'll be ready. The Incredible Hulk? Piece of cake. The Joker? No problem. A Geisha? Easy peasy Japanesey.

Cube Anyone?

So I'm out and about and I come across this square car. Intrigued, I get a closer look and see that it's a Nissan Cube. Wow! I'm loving that name. It makes me think of sci-fi movies. In the future people will be traveling around cities in little Cubes working in Cubicles saving up for vacations in Cuba.

Advertisers say the Cube is competing in the Square Car Market. The demographic? Young people out of college living with their parents. Word on the street is that the Cube is like a little apartment on wheels where twenty-somethings  can exert their independence. Really? I thought only homeless people lived in their cars. Then again, aren't college grads without jobs and living with their parents considered to be homeless? I report, you decide.

I'm not the demographic for this car, but I think it would be fun to drive a Cube. There's a large wrap-around window on the side and it's small enough to fit into a compact parking space. But it might be embarrassing to be seen in a car that looks like 50 circus clowns should be climbing out of it.  

So how will we know if this car will have a lasting legacy in the automobile industry? When it becomes part of the of the Hot Wheels collection.

How Do I Look?

Have you ever seen "How Do I Look?" on the Style Channel? It's a makeover show that will knock your socks off! Clothes, hair, makeup, the works. The transformations are unbelievable. For example, on yesterday's show they turned a frumpy hippie chick whose wardrobe consisted of long skirts, peasant blouses and pajama bottoms into a stylish modern woman. Her hair had been extremely long for her age (down the middle of her back) and made her look like she was in her 50s. She was actually in her 30s. They gave her a medium-length bob. So cute!

I think the best thing about this show is something I call "Wish Maker." The women getting the makeovers talk about their dreams, whether it's going to Paris, starting a business or becoming a chef. One woman wanted to pursue her dream of being a professional photographer. Her wardrobe held her back, as did her lack of confidence. She not only got a wonderful makeover and a new wardrobe, but the best prize of all was paid tuition to study photography and new camera.

Lauren Wins!

Lauren's solo.

This season's "So You Think You Can Dance" winner is Lauren! She was in the final three with Robert and Kent (who were also amazing!) Best season ever. So many wonderful and memorable performances.

Kent and Lauren: Final Two

Lauren and Pasha do the Argentine Tango

Lauren and Twitch in a hip hop routine. Smokin' hot!

Lauren and Twitch.

Robert and Lauren contemporary.

Kent and Lauren doing a jazz routine.

Lauren and Twitch perform hip hop in finale.

Kent and Neil dance a Travis Wall contemporary.
This one brought tears to the judges eyes and
made Mia speechless. It was so beautiful.
  It's the story of the end of a close relationship.

Kent and Neil.

Robert and Kathryn perform a Broadway number:
"Cool" from "West Side Story."  Excellent!

Robert and Kathryn.

Robert and Dominic performing hip hop.

Billy and Ade dance a contemporary routine.
Billy's best performance of the season.

Twitch and Alex in Alex's last performance before the injury
that caused him to leave the show.
The judges and everyone else were stunned.
Alex is a trained ballet dancer and everyone expected
him to have trouble with a hip hop routine.
But he surprised us all with an amazing performance.

Ellen Degeneres takes on Alex's part in the
famous hip hop with Twitch in the finale.

Alex. My favorite dancer.

Skinny Vanilla Latte

My Skinny Vanilla Latte on my desk at work.
Notice the lipstick stain. Revlon "Blushed."

Tried the skinny vanilla latte at Starbucks for the first time. Not bad. I'm not a daily latte drinker. For me it's a special treat when I'm out with friends, so I don't really have a problem ordering the full fat drinks. It's a splurge; not a regular thing.

But it was Wednesday morning and as I walked out the door on the way to the office, I decided to do something wild and crazy so I stopped by Starbucks and get a tall hazelnut latte to go. Hmmm. "Skinny Vanilla Latte" was actually on the menu. As you know "skinny" means the drink is made with skim milk rather than whole or two percent. In the advertising world the word "skinny" is quite effective and caters to consumers who want to be thin and slender. And who doesn't? It's obvious that in America, skinny is a good thing. So when Starbucks posts the word "skinny" on their menu, they're hoping you'll think you'll be skinny if you buy their latte.

The ploy might work if they didn't push the Cheesecake Factory pastries. So you walk out the door with a Skinny Vanilla Latte and a Lemon Poppyseed Muffin. Such is life.

Hello, Newman

Today is Newman's birthday! Well, actually, it's actor Wayne Knight's birthday. Born August 7, 1955, in New York City, Wayne Knight was perfectly cast as Jerry Seinfeld's annoying neighbor and nemesis. One of my favorite episodes was "The Boyfriend."  Newman and Kramer were describing how Keith Hernandez spit on them after a Mets game as Jerry interrogated them in a parody of the movie "JFK." Here's the scene:

NEWMAN: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.

KRAMER: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp ... Newman was in front of me. Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, " Nice game pretty boy.". Keith continued past us up the ramp.

NEWMAN: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.

ELAINE: What was it?

KRAMER: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"

NEWMAN: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

ELAINE: Wow! What a story.

JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times. Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses, in mid air mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic luggie.

NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left.
JERRY: Again.

KRAMER: Back and to the left.

JERRY: Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.


In "The Finale," Newman gives one of his most famous speeches:

"All right! But hear me and hear me well! The day will come, oh yes, mark my words, Seinfeld! Your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little playworld and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down."

My Best Chick Comics

I'm a huge fan of comics. My faves include Peanuts, Dilbert, Doonesbury, Fusco Brothers, F-Minus, The Other Coast and Pooch Cafe. However, my chick comics are the ones that inspire me the most. We ladies gotta stick together!

My best chick comics:

Apartment 3-G: Three women who are best friends try to juggle career, men and friendships. Margo is a brunette talent agent with a head for business, Tommy is a redheaded nurse and the brains of the group, and LuAnn is the blonde school teacher, who happens to be an artist. 

Six Chix: Cool concept. The comic is written by six chick cartoonists -- Isabella on Mondays, Margaret on Tuesdays, Rena on Wednesdays, Anne on Thursdays, Benita on Fridays and Stephanie on Saturdays. WOMAN POWER!

Mary Worth: An elderly lady who lives in Santa Royale, California, Mary is a wise gentlewoman who helps people get their lives straightened out. It's not interference, it's "being helpful." Right? Right.

On a Claire Day: Claire is young woman breaking free from her parents and setting out on her own. Similar premise to the TV show "That Girl" but without the fashion, Broadway and Marlo Thomas bangs. And even though she is struggling to make ends meet, she has a cat and dog.

Meaning of Lila: Lila is a young woman who lives on her own, loves to shop, has a mediocre office job and hangs out with her best friend Boyd, who just happens to be gay. They live for the weekends when they can go to bars and pick up dates. Does Lila's life have meaning? I report. You decide.

Between Friends: Maeve is a sales director and divorcee; she's back in the dating game. Susan is married and has a step-daughter and struggles with her weight and addiction to coffee. Kim is a feminist freelance writer, married with a son. Question: Does feminism still exist in the 21st century? According to the Lifetime Channel it does. 

Click on the links and join the party!

Dear Tim Gunn...

Dear Tim,

I missed you terribly! I'm so happy to see you once again on the new season of Project Runway. How I wish I were one of the designers on the show. Unfortunately, I couldn't sew myself out of a paper bag so it's probably for the best.

Nevertheless, I'm concerned about Casanova and the horrible situation with his $1,070 Dolce & Gabbana pants. What was he thinking? Maybe he had in mind to make "pants out of pants" like Ivy. How was he to know that his plan would backfire? Oh, well. Live and learn.

And as for the look he showed on the runway. OMG! Michael Kors was right. She looked like a pole dancer in Dubai.

Okay, let's talk about Ivy. I concur with the judges that those pants were the absolute worst! But I can't place the blame completely on Ivy. Those pants belonged to Peach, who appears to be a fashion designer that buys her clothes at Wal-Mart.

As for some of the others, Jason is channeling Laurel & Hardy, Sarah looks like an 80s drag queen, and Valerie should re-think the bangs.

My favorites are Kristin, Gretchen, Mondo, A. J., Michael C. and Nicholas. BTW, how on earth did Nicholas end up with the most beautiful model of the bunch? That girl is STUNNING!

Tim, I must say that you are the best thing about Project Runway. I love the way you encourage the designers and tell them to "make it work." Your insightful comments keep them on the right track and they would be smart to heed your advice.

Here's to a great season! I'm looking forward to see what new challenges the designers will face.

Sincerely,
Luana

P.S.
So what do you think of Heidi's new hair style?