Changes

1) New hair color and cut. I love it because I can style it different ways and it's CUTE! I had no idea that my hair was dragging me down, both emotionally and spiritually. And I wouldn't have realized it if I hadn't taken the step to change.

2) New job possibility. I've been an administrative assistant for a couple of years. I enjoy my work and the people I work with, but I really miss a job where I get to write and be creative. Looks like Divine Intervention is at work and I have an opportunity to help write and develop our company's new e-newsletter.

3) New household situation. Our daughter and granddaughter have moved in with us. They will be here for several months because of personal reasons. Hubby and I are so glad they are here and that we are able to help them as they forge a new direction in their lives.

4) New phone. Our family has a new phone plan. I've graduated from a BlackBerry Curve to a HTC Evo 4G (Android!) YIKES! It will take some getting used to. The most difficult part of the change has been adapting to the touch screen. I have 30 days to decide if I want to keep this phone or change to something else.

5) Life Assessment. I have no idea what direction my life is taking right now. All I can do at this point is take one day at a time and see what happens. I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I must choose a path but I don't know which one. One path leads me to pursue my writing more seriously. Another path sends me to a paralegal certificate. Yet another goes down the road of website design and photography. There are other paths that lead to barista, baker and artist. Or do I pursue my lifelong dream of filmmaking? (Yeah, right.) So which path do I take? Or is there something else completely different?

No More Ugly Shoes!

I don't know if it's because it's a new year and time for a change or because I'm sick and tired of mediocrity, but I have made a decision. No more ugly shoes!

I used to think that women who wore heels were crazy. Who could stand the sore feet and back pain? But then I realized when you buy higher quality shoes, you don't have that problem. For years I bought cheap shoes based on comfort (boring loafers, spinster/librarian clodhoppers, or ugly sneakers). Of course I had the token high heels for special events but they hurt my feet because 1) they were cheap and 2) I wasn't used to wearing a shoe that had a heel higher than two inches.

Over the last year, I've reassessed my wardrobe and realized that wearing pretty shoes is one of the best things you can do to build self confidence and improve your outlook on life.

You think I'm kidding? Try it and see. You'll discover that wearing pretty shoes not only improves your mood, but also sends a positive vibe to others you encounter. Why didn't anyone tell me this before? Maybe they did but I didn't believe it.

Now I really enjoy shoe shopping. No, I'm not one of those crazy people with hundreds of shoes (did someone say Carrie Bradshaw?)  I've learned to be a wise shopper. Instead of buying cheap shoes that wear out in a few months, I spend a little more for high quality shoes that last.. The two requirements I have when I buy shoes are 1) they must be pretty and 2) they must be comfortable. Yes, it's possible to have both. Since I've been doing this, I have never had a blisters on my feet. Cheap shoes cause blisters.

I;m also learning to appreciate the talents and skills of shoe designers. Until now, I'd never paid much attention to shoe design. I'm amazed at the beauty and craftsmanship of a gorgeous pair of shoes. It's made me appreciate other beautiful things in life that I encounter every day. My eyes are open to the beauty all around me. Going to a shoe store is like walking into an art gallery. It takes my breath away.

Okay, maybe I'm going a little overboard with the metaphors. I'm not trying to convert others to my way of thinking. I'm just sharing what I've experienced. It all boils down to this: No more ugly shoes. That's my new motto.

First Lady in Red

Michelle Obama is absolutely stunning in this beautiful red silk organza dress by Sarah Burton of the London House Alexander McQueen. She wore the gown at the state dinner for President Hu Jintao of China.

A lovely, classy lady!

New Me

Today was my first day at work since my new hair so I took a pic with my blackberry. I'm wondering what took me so long to cover the gray mop. I love my new hair!

BEFORE:

Live and Let Dye

Okay. I'm seriously thinking about dyeing my hair. I've been debating this decision for months.

Pros:
No gray
New look
Shinier hair

CONS:
Retouching
A nightmare to grow out again

In my research I've found there is something called Demi-Permanent color. That's where the color washes out gradually over several shampoos.This would let me test the waters and see if I want to go hard core.

But I'm thinking of throwing caution to the wind and just going for permanent hair color. My natural hair is dark brown (like Sandra Bullock), so according to my research I should go a shade or two lighter. Lighter brown would be nice, but I'd really like to have auburn hair. Do I dare?

Working from Home? No, Thank You

It's taken me over two years, but I now realize I don't do well working from home, setting my own hours and being my own boss. Freelancing sounds like the perfect job, and maybe for some people it is. Not me. I need structure. I need a place to go in the morning. And most of all I need a steady paycheck.

Although I'm an artist, I'm not cut out for the artist's lifestyle. I can't seem to merge Art for art's sake and Art to make money. This is called cognitive dissonance: "the theory that the tension-producing effects of incongruous cognitions motivate individuals to reduce such tension." (I knew my psych degree would come in handy some day.)

The dream job of being paid well for your creativity and not compromising doesn't exist. Either you will be a creative artist  and risk being in the poor house OR you will work for someone else but have the financial freedom to pursue your art on the side. Yes, there are some people who can make very good money and be financially secure in the arts, but the question remains: how much of their "art" did they compromise?

I don't think I'm being pessimistic. I'm being realistic. We need to rethink the word "Work." What is "work"?


The dictionary defines it this way: activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something.

In addition:
Work is getting paid a wage for your time and talents.
Work keeps the economy going.
Work is exhausting (shout out to America's lumberjacks)
Work is not always easy (unless you work for the government)
Work is exciting (or it can be if you have a good attitude)
Work gives us purpose and meaning.

I've also realized I enjoy office work. I like working on the computer, filing, writing business letters, research, staff meetings. I like taking on new projects. I like talking to my coworkers. I like wearing nice clothes. I like the 9 to 5 work day with weekends and evenings free. I like paid holidays and sick days.

Ironically, I wrote more stories and plays when  I was working full-time than I did when I was freelancing full time. I was more creative and was better able to manage my time off. When I worked for myself, I didn't have any time off. It seemed like I was working all the time but not producing anything. Procrastination took over my life.

I'm not saying working from home is a bad thing. It's great if that's what you want to do. It just wasn't for me. Thinking back, I was in love with the "idea" of working at home. On paper, it sounds great. Get up whenever you want, drink coffee, read the paper, write and create all day. But in reality, to make it succeed, you have to work at it. Hard work. Even when you don't feel like it. For me it was stressful and the most uncreative, unproductive time of my life.

I don't think I'm sacrificing my creativity for money. As I said before, I feel more creative than ever. I'm working on a full-length play and an anthology of short stories. I manage my time better and I am happier. I have a place to go in the morning and I like my office environment. I have the best of both worlds.

As for this dreamer, she's had a reality check. And it's not all bad.

Grey's Anatomy Continues

Tonight the best season EVER of Grey's Anatomy continues. The shooting episode was INSANE! I can't imagine being in that situation. Talk about pushing a person to the limit. It's a wonder anyone survived the emotional trauma.

The only thing that took me out of the drama (only for a moment), was why the SWAT team took so long.

I think that Miranda, Percy, Meredith, Christina and April endured the most horrific situations. I find it interesting that of everyone, Christina had the hardest time adjusting, considering her take-charge attitude and her natural tendency toward reason and logic. Although...her world fell apart...reason went out the door. The violence made no sense in a rational world.

Stay tuned...

Resolved: Hopes and Dreams

There's been much debate about New Year's resolutions. Some are against them; others are for them. I'm in the latter category. For me, the New Year is the time when we can start all over with a clean slate. Old things have passed away, behold, all things are new.

In the Bible, the Israelites celebrated the Year of Jubilee once every 50 years.  That was when all slaves were set free. All land was returned to the original owners. All debts canceled. I don't know about you, but that excites me. I look at every New Year as a Year of Jubilee in my heart.


As for resolutions, I don't see them as a legalistic set of expectations or a "to do" list. Perhaps "resolution" is the wrong word. Let's call it "Hopes and Dreams" for the New Year. Yes, I like that better.

All my life people have called me a "dreamer," often not in a good way. But I like being a dreamer. I like dreaming about my life and thinking about the good things my future holds. Not to say everything will be smooth sailing. That's not how life is. But we can rejoice in the trials, trusting that God has a wonderful plan for each of us. Let's enjoy the journey.

My Hopes and Dreams for 2011:
Helping other people in practical ways and not judging them.
Taking better care of my body.
Saying "no" to stress and worry; trusting that God will give me Peace.
Telling my husband, everyday, that I love him.
Not to over-extend myself with too many projects.
Have balance in all things.
Be thankful to God for all that He has done for me.

Calendar Time

Choosing a calendar is the highlight of my year. As an artist, I appreciate beautiful designs and a wall calendar is one way to enjoy art all year long. I spend a lot of time finding the perfect calendar that will inspire me for the next 12 months. I usually buy three wall calendars and an engagement calendar. In past years I've enjoyed a variety of designs and themes: TV shows, comics, abstract art, travel, films, nature, etc.

For my kitchen, I bought the Lang Coffee calendar. The decorative illustrations of retro coffee motifs are beautiful. Perfect choice for an avid coffee drinker and coffeehouse patron like me.

My home office calendar features snap shots of "I Love Lucy." Best comedy series EVER! She makes me laugh and I know I'll need to laugh a lot in 2011.

At work I have a small wall calendar called "Flower Spirits" featuring radiographs of nature. I spotted it at Barnes & Noble and fell in love with it on the spot. Steven Meyers captures delicate images of botanicals and flowers in invisible light. Truly stunning artwork!

Merry Christmas!

Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains,
And the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains:

"GLORIA, IN EXCELSIS DEO!" (Glory to God in the highest!)

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Two Days Until Christmas

Countdown time. When I was a kid, this was the longest week ever. Now I enjoy the preparations as much as the Day itself. I love sending out cards, decorating the house, baking treats, buying/making gifts, singing carols, going to Christmas events and watching Christmas movies. My faves are "It's a Wonderful Life," "Miracle on 34th Street" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

I especially enjoy church this time of year. The sanctuary is decorated and everyone is singing Christmas songs. Our hearts are in one accord as we anticipate the celebration of Christ's birth. On Christmas Eve we will gather for a candlelight service.

This Christmas I see God at work in my family, bringing healing and hope.

Five Days Until Christmas

Hark! The herald angels sing: "Glory to the newborn King!"

Peace on Earth, and mercy mild; God and sinners -- RECONCILED!

Joyful, all ye nations, rise! Join the triumph of the skies! With the angelic hosts, proclaim, "Christ is born in Bethlehem!"

Hark! The herald angels sing: "Glory to the newborn King!"

Run, Forrest, Run!

I love to exercise. There. I said it. I'm not obsessive about it, but there's nothing like releasing those endorphins!

As a child, my exercise was hopscotch, jump rope, tag, monkey bars and dodge ball. We had no idea we were getting a workout; we were just having fun.

In my teen years I hated all forms of exercise. My least favorite class was P.E. I was never a fan of team sports and I hated getting all sweaty and taking showers at school. But it wasn't all bad; I met my best friend playing field hockey.

When I was in my 20s I took up jogging. It all started with an undergraduate psychology class called "Running and Being." It explained how running was a psychological and spiritual activity that could improve your life. And it did. I was hooked. I ran in local 5-k races, read books on running and kept a runner's journal. I learned which shoes were best for runners and how to stretch to prevent injury. I even subscribed to Runner's World.

I still run today, but not as much. I injured my left knee a few years ago and it set me back several months. It got better and I started running again. But then I developed plantar fasciitis in my right heel. Running was out so we bought an elliptical machine, the next best thing to running, with the added bonus of watching TV while I work out.

Back in the day I would run in the dark before dawn, in snow, ice and wind. I was like the mail man...nothing could stop me. Now, if it's a little bit cold or windy, I work out on the elliptical. I've become a weather wimp.

My goal is to get my groove back.

In Progress...

For the last year, I've been thinking about the play I'm going to write, trying to get a solid grasp of the story I truly want to tell. I believe in destiny and that whatever is meant to be will happen. I also believe that there is a time for everything. And the time to write my first full-length play is now.

I can't discuss the details of the play on this blog, but I can tell you it's a comedy and many of the characters and situations are inspired by my own life. I've learned that, as a writer, who you are gets into your stories one way or another. It can't be helped. Look at the plays of famous playwrights; they are about the world of the author.

As I write, I'm discovering that the characters are starting to tell me what they want to say. It's rather disconcerting. My main character has to be careful that she's not overpowered by the minor characters...she must carry the play on her own. It's interesting that her mother is the one who wants to take over the play, which is what my own mother tended to do in real life...take over.

Maybe I'm a character in my own life. Like Harold Crick in "Stranger Than Fiction.":

"Little did he know..."

I'm Not Rappaport

They don't write plays like Herb Gardner's anymore. In my book, he's one of the best playwrights of the 20th century: "A Thousand Clowns," "The Goodbye People," "Thieves" and "Conversations with My Father," just to name a few.

My favorite is his Tony Award-winning play, "I'm Not Rappaport."  The original 1985 Broadway production starred Judd Hirsch as Nat and Cleavon Little as Midge. There was a Broadway revival of the play in 2003 and Hirsch reprised his role as Nat while Ben Vereen played Midge. The 1996 film version featured Walter Matthau and Ossie Davis.

Set in New York City, two elderly men pass the time on a bench in Central Park. Nat is Jewish and can't help stretching the truth to make his life seem more interesting. Midge is a black, displaced worker about to lose his job. The men confront issues of crime, family, society and aging. Beautiful ending...when to lie and when to tell the truth. It's not always black and white (pun).

One of the most intriguing things about this story is the title which comes from an old Vaudeville joke:

NAT: Hey, Rappaport! I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been?

MIDGE: I'm not Rappaport.

NAT: Rappaport, what happened to you? You used to be a short fat guy, and now you're a tall skinny guy.

MIDGE: I'm not Rappaport.

NAT: Rappaport, you used to be a young guy with a beard, and now you're an old guy with a mustache.

MIDGE: I'm not Rappaport.

NAT: Rappaport, how has this happened? You used to be a cowardly little white guy, and now you're a big imposing black guy.

MIDGE: I'm not Rappaport.

NAT: And you changed your name, too!

Morning Glory

Hubby and I went to see "Morning Glory" this week. I wasn't impressed.

THE BAD NEWS:

Becky Fuller was so manic she made me dizzy. Running everywhere and talking nonstop, it was over-the-top ridiculous. Anne Hathaway could get away with it in "The Devil Wears Prada." Marlo Thomas could get away with it in "That Girl." But Rachel McAdams didn't pull it off. She's cute, though. I think that counts for something.

The scenes with Rachel and Jeff Goldblum could have been funnier. Goldblum is hilarious with the right lines. Remember his short bit in "Annie Hall"? At Tony's party he phones his guru and says, "I forgot my mantra." Woody Allen knows "funny."

Harrison Ford looked like he was doing an impression of Clint Eastwood. His facial expression didn't change throughout the entire film. Is this "acting"? I think not. There are many ways to portray a gruff character. All Harrison did was grimace and growl. Come on, Harry, I know you have what it takes to make your character interesting (Did someone say, Indiana Jones?)

Background music was distracting.

THE GOOD NEWS:

Diane Keaton was terrific. I wish she and Harrison had more screen time.

Patrick Wilson. As soon as he appeared on screen, I thought "What's Paul Newman doing in this movie?" Patrick/Paul was fantastic. Eye candy to be sure. Nice work, casting department.

Cinematography was excellent. Nice shots of the city and the interior compositions were beautiful.

Even in a film this lukewarm, I was surprised to see the visual metaphor of the "door." Becky was struggling with doors throughout the film, symbolizing her wanting to "get in"; opening doors of opportunity, in her career and personal life .

The Winter of My Discontent

Rant Alert!

Why do people freak out so much about getting "old"? What's the big deal? Everybody gets old. It's a fact of life. It's the second law of thermodynamics. Deal with it.

Me? I'm 53 years old. I'm what society calls a "baby boomer." I hate that term. I've always hated it. I also hate those other labels: Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Z...what comes after Gen Z? Does Gen Z even exist? They sound like the names of spaceships in a sci-fi novel.

Yes. My hair is turning gray. I'm getting wrinkles on my face and age spots on my arms. So what?

And let's not forget to mention the commercials for wrinkle cream, orthopedic shoes, denture cream, ensure, depends and oat bran. Where is the "old" man or woman hiking in the mountains, building a house, flying a plane? Too adventurous? Well, then, what about going to the theatre, working in an office, fixing a car, walking a dog or even baking a cake? No, the old people are seen sitting in front of the television watching "Wheel of Fortune," wrapped in Snuggies and sipping hot tea.

I'm really starting to get annoyed at all the "age" jokes out there that ridicule and stereotype older people. I admit, I never paid much attention before. I even laughed at the humor myself. But now I take it personally and I'm offended. Call the ACLU!

Okay, let's talk about clothes. What is going on? As soon as you hit 50 you're doomed to elastic waist polyester pants and floral blouses? Do you seriously think a woman of a certain age should be walking around in mini-skirts and tank tops? Is there no middle ground?! (Yes, I'm exaggerating, but it's a rant after all.) Not that there aren't pretty clothes at all for older ladies, but you have to work hard to find them. You have to search. You have to dig. And when you find a store that sells clothes you can actually wear, you feel like a miner in the gold rush days. Eureka!

To quote Miranda Priestly in "The Devil Wears Prada":  That's all.

Are You Kidding?

I laughed my socks off when I read this "real life" blurb in our newspaper today:

HEADLINE: Man steals thousands of newspapers to keep pal's misdeed secret.

STORY: A man who acknowledged stealing thousands of free copies of a Colorado resort town's two daily newspapers because his friend was named in police blotters has made a public apology.

The Aspen Daily News and The Aspen Times both printed an apology letter Friday from 23-year-old Mitchell Reed of Carbondale, who agreed to write the apology to avoid criminal theft charges.

Reed stole thousands of papers on November 5 because one of his friends was in that day's police blotter in both publications for a drug arrest. A maintenance worker told police that Reed dumped the papers in trash bins behind an area grocery store, and Reed confessed to the theft.

ME: This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. I mean, who does this? It's something Lucy Ricardo would do. I like starting my day with a laugh but who would have thought it would be in a news report?

Joni Mitchell Tribute

I've been in a strange mood lately. Poetic, introspective, quiet. Joni Mitchell's songs from her "Clouds" album are perfect for such times.

I bought this album in the late 1970s, years after it was released. She was into jazz sounds by then. I found out some things about her. She is an artist and painter. She is from Canada. She is an amazing songwriter and her voice is unlike any other. I also found out, through her songs, that she has experienced loneliness, loss, fear, happiness and peace. Her songs speak to my heart. I have no idea how she reaches into my soul and sings the words that I feel but cannot express.

Her song, "I Think I Understand" is one of my favorites on this album. It's about Fear...facing it and overcoming it. The words are filled with beautiful imagery. Note the metaphor for Fear, Uncertainty, and the Shadow. My favorite stanza is the one that paints a picture of "sleepy rooftops round the harbor". 

Daylight falls upon the path, the forest falls behind
Today I am not prey to dark uncertainty
The shadow trembles in its wrath, I've robbed its blackness blind
And tasted sunlight as my fear came clear to me

I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand

Now the way leads to the hills, above the steeple's chime
Below me sleepy rooftops round the harbor
It's there I'll take my thirsty fill of friendship over wine
Forgetting fear but never disregarding her

Sometimes voices in the night will call me back again
Back along the pathway of a troubled mind
When forests rise to block the light that keeps a traveler sane
I'll challenge them with flashes from a brighter time

Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand

Radio Theatre

Our drama team is having a script reading meeting next Saturday to prepare for our Valentine's Day Radio Theatre. Rehearsals will start in January but the scripts have to be selected soon so we can start planning the program.

I have a huge stack of scripts gleaned from my collection of sketch books, plus a few that I wrote myself. But that's only part of the program. We are also going to add commercials, jokes, and musical interludes.

It's a 1940s radio theatre, so we will be wearing costumes of the era. In fact, I'm on the hunt for the perfect vintage 1940s dress. I actually bought a wig inspired by Bette Davis in "All About Eve." So cool!

We're doing a Twilight Zone sketch I wrote called "A Good Book," about a bookstore owner who takes pride in helping people find the books they want. A customer requests a book that seems too good to be true and unlike any book every written. In fact, the author is out of this world.

What's a radio theatre without music? We're going to have Big Band music playing before the show and a lip-syncing bit with classic songs by Bing Crosby, the Andrews Sisters, etc. There will also be theme music playing to introduce some of the sketches.

Did someone say Foley Artist? We will be doing sound effects with bells, buzzers, foot steps, doors, etc.

It's a dessert theatre so there will be refreshments during the show; dessert and finger foods. And then there's the decoration: Valentine's Day theme along with classic radio theatre personalities.

So here I am in November thinking about Valentine's Day.